Just to be clear, losing sucks.
Last weekend my beloved San Francisco 49ers lost in the Super Bowl. I’m not really ready to talk about it, but I am ready to learn from it. 😢
Now, as a lifelong San Francisco sports fan I’ve endured plenty of pain, but this one stung a lot more. First, it was an extremely close game that literally came down to the final play in overtime in the final seconds. Ouch. Second, I was at a watch party in New Orleans on a balcony on Bourbon Street during my birthday weekend. I mean, come on, the stage was set!
But nope, it wasn’t meant to be.
So, while I’ve succeeded in avoiding social media and sports news for the past week to avoid further agony, I have thought a lot about what losing means - especially as a leader. It’s part of sports, business and life. I’ve had my fair share of losing in all of these, but I’ve learned how we handle it in front of our teams (or loved ones) can be the difference between a temporary setback and a long term struggle.
So, let’s start first with a few basic things leaders can do after a tough loss:
Let it Hurt: losing sucks, it hurts - and letting it hurt can be good for us.
Take Ownership: there’s a reason you lost, don’t hide from it. A mistake, poor execution, an unanticipated change, whatever. It doesn’t matter why, own the miss.
Take a Moment: when the results are in and it’s become clear you have lost or missed your goal, take a moment to gather your thoughts and emotions. Don’t dwell on it but don’t act on it immediately.
Be Visible: once you’ve taken your moment, be visible to your team. Look them in the eye and show them that you are OK, and they will be too.
Now that you’ve taken action, let’s focus on what to take away. This is equally important. The key is that we’re not trying to spin anything or twist facts into excuses. What we’re looking to do is get honest with what happened, understand what we can do better or differently next time, and learn from it.
Here’s a few lessons leaders can take away from a tough loss:
It’s part of the process: Nobody is immune from a loss, and leaders are often on the front lines as you take on new challenges and lead into uncharted territory. It’s part of the package you signed up for, just don’t let it stop you from trying again.
It will make you stronger: it’s a cliche for a reason that “what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger”. You will come out of this more resilient, focused and determined. Teams are often galvanized after tough losses and can achieve more as a result.
It will fuel you: sometimes a loss is just what you need to get fired up for the next challenge. Lean into that, let it in, and let it rip!
It doesn’t define you: most importantly, you have to remember that losing a big game or a big client or a big deal doesn’t define who you are. It’s important to maintain perspective on what matters most. This is where you have to be rooted firmly in your values and have balance between what you do and who you are.
This is where you have to be rooted firmly in your values and have balance between what you do and who you are.
Losing is when true character is revealed. This is when leadership matters most. It’s one of the hardest parts of being a leader, but it will likely be one of the best parts of your story. You’ll remember the pain, but you will also look back to see it was just part of the process of being your best.
My 49ers will be back, and I’ll be rooting for them. You will be back, and I’ll be rooting for you too. And remember what The Greatest always said,
“A knockdown is just a setup for a comeback”. - Muhammad Ali.
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